Told You I Wouldn’t Update This


I’d Like To Report A Case of Harassment

Adverts on British daytime TV really are so very irritating. You’re sitting there in your pyjamas, being a useless member of society, when suddenly you get this douchebag


having a right go at you for not reclaiming PPI.

“Don’t you know you may be due PPI compensation? Not interested?! Banks have set aside billions in PPI compensation, yet you’ve still done nothing about it. Can you really afford not to find out if you’re owed up to £7000?”

Like BACK OFF, DUDE. You’re not my mum. I know for a fact I’m not owed any compensation, and frankly your condescending tone is NOT APPRECIATED. Let me watch the same episode of Friends for the billionth time in peace without judging me, will you?!

As an added bonus I’m also being showered with series of short adverts on behalf of Elite Singles, a company founded seemingly entirely on the premise of ‘you know what people hate about online dating? all the romance’. This is the company that last year released the brilliant advert in which ‘Oliver’ said he used Elite Singles ‘to find someone on my intellectual level’. Hmm. I’ll believe that’s your target market when you stop advertising in the middle of the day on comedy central. I some what doubt fictional Oliver would still not have showered by this point in the day.

In the rest of these thrillingly romantic adverts, we meet a chap who doesn’t accept anything but the best, and a lady who’s key reason for using this particular dating website is ‘it helps me weed out the TIMEWASTERS’. To give the advert credit, it’s rather remarkable how they can get their message of ‘if you’re a bit of a dick but you shockingly haven’t been snapped up already, then give this a try’ across perfectly within a ten second advert. Although if they really wanted to get timing down, they may as well give Oliver and company (ha) the boot and just have a tagline that just says ‘for people who still want to feel superior to others even when they’ve been reduced to trawling the internet for love’.

Overall I’d say daytime TV is not best for my attitude, particularly because the Gladstone Brookes guy can’t hear all the threats I end up howling at him after he chastises me for the fifth time.

No wonder everyone is desperate to get a job. Anything’s better than this.

My Job Isn’t Actually That Bad, But No One Told The Flies

I work as in admin at a school, and as I’m also on the front desk I spend a lot of time being interrupted at crucial moments and having to do my work all over again. Despite this, it’s actually fairly enjoyable – the commute’s not fun, but the people are nice and hey, it’s a job. If I could go back in time I would change very little about my job (well okay admittedly if I could go back in time I wouldn’t be dealing with my job anymore, I’d be hanging with the greeks or something), except that I would very much like to go back and punch the architect in the face.

My workspace is behind a desk, in a massive, glass room, facing almost exactly east so that I spend the entire morning turning into a jacket potato while desperately using folders as makeshift blinders just so I can see the bloody computer screen. Being practically a GREEN HOUSE, this room gets tooooasty! As in roasty I-might-pass-out toasty. Also in this room are some skylight-esque protrusions in the roof, that don’t open but are made of glass, which have turned out to be some of the most incredible flying insect magnets I have seen in my life.

These protrusions being glass, and the heat of the room being what it is, that little fly-lounge must get BAKING, because every once in a while a fly will give up the ghost – by which I mean literally burn to death while failing to figure out that you can’t get out through the roof – and will drop from the roof-window-things (which heeeeyy!! are positioned directly above my desk! awesome) and land in a charred lump onto my desk, off my head, or into my tea.

(Learned pretty quickly to ALWAYS STORE DRINKS UNDER THE DESK.)

Needless to say, it occasionally gets a wee bit irritating, particularly when I’m trying to be professional over the phone but end up yelping at a chargrilled bug-corpse smacking me in the head.

So yes, ultimately I rather like my job, except that it is literally raining crispy flies on me. Not so keen on that bit. Slightly concerned that I might be in a cartoon?

Blogging Just ‘Cause

Decided to open this blog simply as a place to ramble on about various boring things that occur in my life! I like to write scripts, and am always inspired by my daily life (not that it’s particularly interesting, but there’s a certain funny charm to the doldrum of life), but I have a frankly terrible memory. So instead of marching home and recounting every little thing that happened to my long-suffering parents, I’m going to tell the internet!

Or at least that’s the plan – much more likely I’ll just give up in like a day.